Friend Zoned

Yesterday I told you guys about a third date I was going on, well I went and I was unwittingly friend zoned.

Let me explain from the beginning.

I met this guy on a random night out and we hit it off straightaway. Met on a Saturday, first date was the following Tuesday. Our first date was absolutely fantastic we went to a pub in Central London and the conversation just flowed effortlessly. I had not laughed so much in a long time with a guy and I’ll tell you a little secret out of all the guys I’ve dated he’s the only one I’ve kissed. Hehehe. No chemistry problems there then.

A red flag did turn up when it took us nearly 2 more weeks to go on a second date, but he was studying for a professional exam so I understood although I didn’t really enjoy his silence during that time. Anyway we went on a second date and once again the conversation flowed, however by now the chemistry had started to wane significantly. I think mainly because I’d been dating a lot and him not contacting me during his studies and exam had also lessened our connection. I was a bit unsure. We had dinner and drinks and the night went well until he dropped the bombshell, the deal-breaker. He doesn’t want kids. He just wants to focus on his career.

HOLD UP. WTF?

I’m not even sure how we got onto this topic but for him to say such a thing so soon just killed the vibe for me. Honestly I immediately put my coat on and ended the date. No lies. I told him it was for the best as I’m ready for something meaningful and serious in my life, I’m ready for life. He could see that he had fucked up and tried to retract his statement (why do men do that?!). But the date was over. Once I got home and had calmed down I sent him a text thanking him for dinner and stupidly wrote “You’re a cool guy, I wouldn’t mind hanging out with you.” I think I was worried that I had overreacted and maybe I should be patient. He replied immediately saying he’d love to see me again.

Looking back now, my initial reaction of putting on my coat and ending the date was the best reaction. Note to self follow your gut instinct and don’t over-think things.

It took us another 2 weeks to have another date. RED FLAG. We spent most of this time texting randomly and then agreed to go for dinner once more. Well I thought it was a date I would later realise he did not.

Dinner was going nicely, however I had to overlook the fact that he was wearing the same shirt he wore on our 2nd date. Then the conversation took a horrible turn when he brought up his ex again, he had brought her up numerous times every time we met up, (red flag) even admitting that he had proposed to her and how he had taken care of her children. Maybe this was why he didn’t want any of his own anymore. Then he just said it.

They had recently slept together. Like recent as in the last week or so.

I just turned my head and looked out of the window and frowned. I then found my tongue and asked: “Think about what you just told me. Was that necessary?”. To which he replied “Oh I thought we were meeting tonight just as friends, I thought I was free to say anything.”

Silence. The view out of the window onto the wet pavement looked tempting. I wanted to walk out.

I had been friend zoned. Swallowing my pride and pushing my slapped ego up to the front of the stage in this stupid minor drama that was unfolding before me. I agreed with him and simply said “Yes. We’re just friends. But I really don’t want to know about your private business.”

He could see I was a bit upset and seemed surprised. Fool.

Now let me explain my own actions leading up to going out with a guy that doesn’t want the same things I want in life. I was horny. That’s it really. I had convinced myself that I shouldn’t stop myself from at least having fun with guys and even though he wouldn’t be the father to my future children he could at least give me some of that tip. Those of you who have been following this blog may remember that I have previously been tip-hunting and after all of the bad dates I had been on I was on the verge of giving up or settling. So I decided to settle for someone that I at least had chemistry with, we could have a casual relationship. Of course I can’t handle casual relationships so I was fooling myself completely out of horniness and dick deprivation. God was not having any of this.

His admission completely killed my attraction to him, any dregs of chemistry that may have lingered disappeared in a puff of discomfort and embarrassment. I had stupidly assumed that we were on a date and that even though we both knew that we may not want anything long term with each other we would still have some sexy short term fun. NO.

I’m assuming from his admission that he no longer saw me in a sexual way or wanted me as a man wants a woman. But I’m confused as he kept telling me how attractive I am and how he “shot himself in the foot by telling you I don’t want kids, I really fucked up there.” Surely he must have realised that it was a date, why would I meet you as friends? We were never friends. To be honest the whole evening completely confused me and I definitely will not be in touch with him again, he made plans for us to meet again but something tells me I’ll be busy next week.

All in all I’m glad it all happened as now I can draw a line under it and stop wondering on what might have been. Also it has given me a chance to re-focus my self on my real goal of meeting a life partner and finding true love. I’m starting to really believe that you do have to kiss a few frogs before you find a prince just don’t stay kissing them.